Journal. Prayer. Meditation.

My journaling has evolved profoundly since I first began in 2021. Time has ushered in a quiet maturity, and I can feel it in the way my words have changed. In the beginning, my journal was a vessel for venting—a place where I could scream and cry in ink. I poured out my frustrations with myself and others, too afraid to speak those truths aloud in the real world. I cast myself as the victim in every entry, using the page to release the negativity I worked so hard to hide from others. In many ways, I was misusing my journals.

For years, I felt an energy within me—subtle, mysterious, waiting to be named. It stirred quietly beneath the surface, not demanding attention, but patiently asking to be acknowledged.

My home is slowly becoming my sanctuary, and I hold this feeling close—it’s sacred. But it’s not just the walls or the space; it’s me. I’ve changed. Grown in ways no one else could see, layer by layer, moment by moment. Every lesson etched itself into my spirit, reshaping me. The long-standing bonds, the fleeting encounters—they’ve all left something behind, a truth, a mirror, a spark. And here I am now—settled, radiant, whole. I feel joy. I feel peace. I am proud of the woman I've become. Proud of the mother I am. And proud of how far I’ve come to be this version of me.

So, I've been going to counseling, and I must say that it has been very healing, but also very triggering. We're talking a lot about my childhood, and as we all know (or at least should know by now) is that everything that is "wrong" with us is because of our childhood. Our childhood and upbringings dictates our initial social interactions with others and our perspectives in society. And please note my use of the word initial, as we all have the capacity to evolve through time and experiences. 

Originally written:  09/18/2023

I believe that strengths and weaknesses are one the same. I say it every time in an interview. Every time I say it, the interviewer always looks so puzzled, like how does that even make sense? 

My kindness is not a weakness. 

My name is JB, and I am an overthinker. Plainly speaking, I worry too much. There are advantages to an overthinking mind like mine. I am a critical thinker. I come up with so many alternatives in my mind about my decisions and they respective consequences. My overactive thoughts help me to reveal my truest desires and connections, and this draws out my ambitious and passionate qualities. It allows me to understand creative connections before others. I have a keen attention to detail. I am able to strategize well so that I move as most efficiently and effectively as possible, and this has been a great benefit for me in the workplace and my professional career. My overthinking causes me to have a great amount of empathy and compassion when it comes to others around me. My overthinking gives me the power to see the future and learn from the past, therefore helping me to make a decision in the now.  I am highly prepared. I am actually often over-prepared. But hey, I would rather be over-prepared than underprepared with anything, so I would consider that a positive trait....

Sundays are restorative days for me. It's the only true day that I am able to sleep in and restore myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Any other day, I'm always highly active and on the go. And I don't mean that just physically. I also mean that mentally. And it's the mental that wears us down more than anything. At least, it's that way for me. We have a million and one tasks, errands, and activities that we have to get through during our weekdays, and it's almost like our brains puts us on autopilot in order to help us get through our weekdays.  And even though we are on autopilot, we still have a number of impending new thoughts and feelings that surface.

Who am I?

I came across a reel one day on Facebook that discussed the topic of biophilia. The gentleman said: "Biophilia is the idea that all human beings subconsciously seek connection with the rest of life, that there is an innate human connection to nature, perhaps even an evolutionary adaptation designed to foster a harmonious relationship between humans and the biosphere." And after watching this reel, I discovered something new about myself, that I am a biophilic.