Stay Focused, JB

My name is JB, and I am an overthinker. Plainly speaking, I worry too much. There are advantages to an overthinking mind like mine. I am a critical thinker. I come up with so many alternatives in my mind about my decisions and they respective consequences. My overactive thoughts help me to reveal my truest desires and connections, and this draws out my ambitious and passionate qualities. It allows me to understand creative connections before others. I have a keen attention to detail. I am able to strategize well so that I move as most efficiently and effectively as possible, and this has been a great benefit for me in the workplace and my professional career. My overthinking causes me to have a great amount of empathy and compassion when it comes to others around me. My overthinking gives me the power to see the future and learn from the past, therefore helping me to make a decision in the now.  I am highly prepared. I am actually often over-prepared. But hey, I would rather be over-prepared than underprepared with anything, so I would consider that a positive trait....

Actually, I don't actually know if that is a positive trait, over-preparation. It leaves no room for error. It leaves no room for things to occur outside of what you have prepared for. And although in my mind, I can come up with 100 alternatives to a situation, there's still the possibility of alternative 101 to show face. And when something happens outside of what I could conceive, it can stir a lot of emotions such as disappointment, confusion, and uncertainty within me. There are some other negative traits that I suffer from when it comes to my overthinking. I need to have a plan for everything. Literally everything. I don't like to be in the unknown. I always want to know "why". I actually do better mentally when stuff is fully explained to me, so that way I don't have to overthink. If I fully know something, I don't have to come up with my own alternative and scenarios as to why something has occurred. 

I am not always able to enjoy my solitude as a result of my overthinking. This became very evident to me right after my divorce. And I've taken plenty of time and effort to embrace solitude, and it is something that I have truly come to enjoy as a restorative practice. One of the worst negative traits of my overthinking is that I always assume the worst will happen. And this way of thinking leads to other negative traits such as becoming indecisive, memory fixation, suffering from insomnia, and internal confusion.

My overthinking has been something that I have been working very hard and actively to improve. Since I have embarked on my spiritual journey and my journey to understand myself better, I have been learning to exist more in a flow state. It has allowed me to shift my direction of thinking so that I am focused on finding joy, no matter what the day may bring. I have been learning to not worry about the infinite alternatives to a situation and only focus on what's right in front of me. This is the purpose of my mindfulness symbol tattooed on the top of my spine, which controls the nervous system. I honestly need to do a better job at remembering that it's there, or at least the purpose of the tattoo. My tattoo is a reminder for me to remain present in the now. To focus on trust, patience, and acceptance. To operate in a system that is both non-judging and non-striving. It is a reminder for me to let go of the past and breathe. It is a reminder for me to try not to work so hard at determining my future. For you know what they say, "If you make plans, just know that God is laughing at them." 

Now, I don't speak on all this to say that I am perfectly healed and that these are my practices 100% of the time. I am a person who is actively healing. So, some days, this works. Some days, it doesn't. And I have to remind myself in my own healing time to come to these practices. Yes, the goal is to be able to have this mindset for every encounter in my life. But I know it takes a journey and awareness for that to happen. I am literally re-wiring my thinking. I'm unlearning my past, my childhood, and my thought patterns, and no one said it would ever be a walk in the park to do so. 

A few weekends ago, I had a moment where I almost let my overthinking get the best of my anxiety. I have been at a cross roads of what I want to do with my career, or I guess I should say, how I would want to advance my career and finances. I've come to a point in my life where I am starting to focus on increasing my income and limiting my spending. I have set financial resolutions for myself that I am tunnel visioned on achieving. It's easy to set a goal, but the biggest challenge of setting goals is developing a plan for how you're going to actually achieve those goals.

Well, I have numerous possibilities for achieving this goal. I could return to school to pursue my Doctorates, but this would require more time and money/student loans. The difficulty with this is that I have set a goal of reducing and paying off my student loan debt within the next 3-5 years. So, while this method is doable, and completing my doctorates would significantly improve my wage, it would actively work against my resolution. I've come to a point where I am actually sickened by my student loans and ready to get rid of them, so if I were to go this route. I would have an added internal pressure  building inside me, and I am at point in my life where that level of stress is not worth it for me right now.

Another option would be for me to attend a trade school and learn a new skill. This notion appealed to me because it would allow me to master a new skill while simultaneously opening up new income opportunities. And it's a great idea to diversify your investments because it provides more financial stability with less hazards than investing everything in one industry.

My final choice, I determined, would be to obtain a second job, preferably a part-time position. Something simple that I might use to get extra money or to begin paying off my debt more efficiently.

There are so many things to pick from... My main challenge with these possibilities is deciding which path to take. If you don't already know, I'm a mastery student. So I am confident that with my determination and endurance, I will be able to excel and achieve great things with every decision I make. But which is the best path to take?This is the question that had me puzzled. This was the question that had began to overwhelm me, because I truly wanted to do everything. I was in the process of unloading all of my thoughts on someone when they told me, "Just take your time, this is not a decision you need to make tomorrow." And after a few days of sitting and strategizing, I understood that this person was entirely correct. This was NOT a decision I had to make for myself at this time, so why am I worrying myself?!

I was driving one day, and the thoughts were still in the back of my mind. But then I remembered what this individual said, which gave me an epiphany. As I already stated, I truly wanted to do everything. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became at the thought of limiting myself when I knew I had the grit to accomplish everything if I committed to it. And that's when I reminded myself, "You know what, JB, stick to the original goals and resolutions you established for yourself at the start of the year. And achieving those goals will be the necessary stepping stone to make it happen." And with that, my worry and anxiety were gone.

At 31 years old, I'm only now seeing how much stress I impose on my body by overthinking. I've realized the value of staying focused on your goals. It keeps you focused on progress and enables you to observe and drive results. This event has reminded me to maintain my focus. But also, we are all human. Distractions are sure to occur. We sometimes may even need to take pauses. However, you should always remember your personal ambitions. And move with the objective of reaching your goals.